When Real Love Finally Arrives… Why Do We Wait for the Other Shoe to Drop?

Instead of relaxing into this new connection, your mind starts scanning for red flags. You've just met someone who seems perfect on paper—kind, consistent, emotionally present. Instead of soaking in the beauty of this new possibility, you start preparing for it to disappear.

Just as excitement begins to rise… fear joins the party. This is going too well. Something must be off. Sadly, that pulls you out of the most vulnerable part of love—being present enough to savor and receive it.

You're not alone.

Researcher Brené Brown calls this foreboding joy—the fear that creeps in just as we're about to feel really good. It's a defense mechanism, often born from loss or disappointment. And it tends to show up right when we're beginning to receive what we've worked so hard to manifest.

Why We Brace for the Crash Instead of Embracing the Rise

When we've lived through heartbreak, inconsistency, betrayal—or just too many almosts—it makes sense that we'd start bracing ourselves. Even when something feels different… more grounded, more real… our nervous systems may still go on high alert.

It's like part of us believes we'll be safer if we expect the crash instead of getting blindsided by it.

But that instinct, while understandable, doesn't protect us. It just robs us of the joy of what we've actually called in.

And sometimes, that fear gets amplified by another common dating reality...

Is It Real… Or Just a Really Good First Impression?

Roger: "There's something else we've both seen come up—especially for people dating again later in life. At the beginning of a relationship, there's often a kind of unspoken 'marketing phase' where everyone puts their best foot forward. It's not fake, it's just human. We want to be liked. And that's actually okay—it's natural to lead with your strengths and positive qualities rather than immediately sharing your struggles or vulnerabilities.

But if you've been hurt before, this phase can stir up anxiety. You start wondering, is this who they really are? Or is this just their highlight reel? Here's the thing: it's often the highlight reel in the beginning, and we need to let that be okay. There's a difference between someone naturally presenting their best self and someone deliberately hiding red flags. Learning to trust that difference—and giving the relationship time to unfold naturally—is part of healthy discernment."

Kim: "That's the tricky part. When you're showing up authentically—because you've learned to be real—you hope the other person is doing the same. But it can take time for people to reveal the less-than-flattering parts of themselves. That in-between space, where you're not sure yet, is fertile ground for fear. Especially if you've experienced someone in the past who seemed incredible at first, only to slowly reveal behaviors or patterns that hurt you. It can make you question your judgment, even when your intuition is now stronger than ever."

Roger: "That's why going slow is so powerful—not from fear, but from self-care. When you give it time, you give truth a chance to unfold naturally. And you give yourself the space to stay centered, rather than getting pulled into old patterns of anxiety or projection."

Discernment Isn't the Same as Fear

Kim: "Let's be clear—it's a good thing to notice when something doesn't feel right. Recognizing pink or red flags is a healthy and essential part of getting to know someone. Discernment is part of self-respect."

Roger: "Exactly. But there's a difference between paying attention and looking for something to be wrong. One is grounded. The other is fear-based. And when fear runs the show, you can end up misreading people—or sabotaging something that might actually be right for you."

Roger: "This is where I often talk about the pause. When something stirs up doubt, pause long enough to ask: Is this my intuition… or is it my anxiety trying to protect me? That kind of check-in can help you stay in your truth instead of reacting from a disappointing past."

You're not meant to override your instincts. But you're also not meant to interrogate every moment, bracing for the inevitable letdown. There's power in noticing without panicking.

How to Stay with the Good Instead of Bracing for the Bad

So, how do we actually do this? How do we receive real love without letting fear hijack the experience?

Here's what we've both learned—and lived:

1. Acknowledge the fear without judgment. That moment of panic doesn't mean you're broken—it means your nervous system remembers pain. But you're not in the past. You're here, now.

   
   

2. Anchor into this moment. Ask yourself: Right now, am I safe? Am I being treated with care, consistency, and honesty? Come back to what's actually happening, not to what hurt you before.

   
   

3. Let joy have room to breathe. You've healed and grown. You're learning to trust again. Let yourself experience the good without racing to the ending. This doesn't have to be disappointment arriving—it might just be love.

   
   

4. Keep showing up authentically. When you lead with honesty, warmth, and self-respect, you set the tone for the connection you're ready to receive. When you feel worthy of all of this and more—you're finally aligned with what's right for you.

   
   

These practices can help you stay grounded in the present moment. But there's another layer to consider—one that's especially important for anyone who understands how energy and intention work.

Your Thoughts Are Also Energy

Here's something crucial for anyone who's done manifestation work: your thoughts and the energy behind them don't just reflect your reality—they help create it. When you focus on fear, anticipate disappointment, or keep waiting for the good to go bad, that energy becomes part of what you're manifesting.

Kim: "Be aware of the limiting beliefs that might be creeping in—those old stories that whisper, 'this can't last' or 'it always ends this way.' They might sound like caution or realism, but they're often just fear dressed up as logic. And if you keep feeding those thoughts, you're literally manifesting from old patterns."

Roger: "That's why awareness is everything. When you shift your attention back to the present—and back to gratitude for what's actually happening—you change your energetic signal. You move from defense to openness. And that's what attracts more of what you truly want."

In manifesting, what we believe and focus on mirrors what we receive. So if you believe disappointment is inevitable, you may be unknowingly creating that very outcome. But if you believe that true love is meant for you—if you stay grounded in trust, gratitude, and discernment—your energy becomes magnetic to exactly that.

What If It Really Is This Good?

Kim: "To be honest, I didn't experience foreboding joy when I met Roger. I had healed enough that when we connected, I didn't question it. I felt blessed. I said, This is what I asked for… and it's finally here.

But what I had been used to—since early in life—was things not staying consistent. Someone would show up as supportive, affectionate, generous…you name it… and then there would be a shift. It would fade. Or the parts of them that confirmed an old belief of mine would emerge. When you've grown up with this kind of pattern, it's easy to start believing it's normal. But it's not."

Roger: "It's easy to forget that love can actually feel calm and steady. It's not consistently fireworks. Sometimes it's peace—and that peace can feel unfamiliar if you've lived with chaos. But peace doesn't mean anything is missing. Peace is what safety feels like."

You Asked for This… Let Yourself Have It

If you've reframed limiting beliefs and transformed old patterns, then you know what you're worth. You've cleared space. You've raised your standards. And yes, what you're calling in might actually feel too good to be true…

Not because it isn't true, but because it's everything you've been waiting for.

You manifested this. You created space for it. You've aligned yourself for this kind of love.

Let that be enough reason to stay open. Let that be enough reason to receive it. Let that be enough reason to believe… maybe this time, it's here at last.

Brené Brown once shared the story of a man who never let himself fully feel joy—because he feared it would be taken from him. But when his wife passed away, he realized he'd robbed himself of countless moments he could have savored. His grief was deepened by the joy he had refused to let in.

Foreboding joy is how we try to protect ourselves from pain. But that protection often costs us the very thing we've been craving: presence.

If you feel that protective instinct rise up, remember to pause... and remind yourself:

"I asked for this. And I am so grateful it's finally here."

Ready to dive deeper into creating the love you deserve? Join our community for weekly insights on relationships, dating, and the inner work that transforms everything. Subscribe here to never miss a blog post and connect with others on the same journey.

Want personalized guidance? If this approach resonates with you and you're ready to explore what aligned love looks like for you, discover how we can work together through our coaching programs.

With love,

Kim and Roger

P.S. If you'd like to get more clarity on your own limiting beliefs and old patterns that are no longer working, please reach out here. We're here to help.