The Sacred Timing of Love: Why We Don't Rush What's Meant to Last

From the outside, our love story may look slow. We wrote to each other for five months before meeting in person. We didn't move in together for 3-1/2 years. We got engaged after five. And now, we're living in and savoring the bliss of being engaged before we decide on a wedding date.

Every step has felt perfectly right for us—not because we were following a plan, but because we weren't.

When we live from alignment instead of expectation, time becomes something sacred. It's not about waiting or hesitation; it's about allowing love to unfold in the rhythm it's meant to.

When the World Projects Its Urgency

I learned long ago how easily the world projects its urgency onto love.

When I was first married years ago, the questions started almost immediately: "When are the children coming?" Later, when Roger and I were clearly a solid couple, people asked, "So what's the next step?"

My answer came easily: the next step is to keep enjoying this beautiful phase of our relationship. To savor it—just as we did in those months of writing before we met.

And now, freshly engaged, the questions have already begun: "When's the date? You need to set it now so people can work their schedules around it.”

For a moment, that pressure pulled me out of the joy I'd been living in. The bliss of being newly engaged suddenly felt overshadowed by other people's timelines and expectations.

To be clear, we're surrounded by people who celebrate us beautifully. Friends who say, "We can't wait! Just let us know when you know and we'll book our flights!" That kind of excitement feels like love, not pressure.

There's a difference between genuine curiosity—“Do you have a date in mind?”—and expectations disguised as concern: "You need to set it now so people can plan." One honors our autonomy; the other assumes we're not considering what matters.

That's when Roger reminded me of something essential:

"This is for us. One of the most important times of our lives. The only thing I need is you. And it would be great if my kids could be there too. But we can set the date when we're ready. If everyone we invite is available, that will be great. And if someone can't make the date we choose, we'll miss them and we'll understand. We've never caved to any pressures before—let’s not do it now."

He was right. We've built this relationship by honoring our own rhythm, and there's no reason to abandon that now.

Why We Rush Through Love

Sometimes along the way, love can become something to hurry through, like when we’re programmed to measure it by milestones—as though it's a checklist instead of a living, breathing experience.

But the rush isn't just about societal expectations. Often, it comes from something deeper:

Fear that if we don't "lock it down," it might disappear. When we're insecure about our worthiness or the relationship's stability, rushing to the next milestone feels like insurance. A ring, a date, a marriage license—these can feel like proof that it's real, that it's safe.

Mistaking progress for depth. Moving quickly through stages can feel like building something substantial, when really, depth comes from being fully present in each phase. The couple who gets engaged after three months hasn't necessarily created more intimacy than the couple who waits three years—they’ve just moved faster.

Avoiding the vulnerability of the present moment. Being in an undefined or transitional phase requires us to stay with uncertainty. It's easier to rush toward the next concrete step than to sit with the beautiful ambiguity of "we're exactly where we need to be."

When Roger and I got engaged, we were already deeply secure in our relationship. The engagement wasn't about locking anything down—it was a natural expression of what we'd already built. And the wedding? That will come when it feels like the natural next chapter, not because anyone else thinks it should.

The Cost of Rushing

In my first marriage, if his parents hadn't been devout Catholics planning to visit us, we probably wouldn't have eloped when we did. It wasn't about readiness—it was about circumstance.

We were living together, and the timing felt dictated by logistics rather than love. Don't get me wrong—there was love between us. But there was no planning, no special dress beyond something slightly dressy, no family present. We eloped with a few friends, and our honeymoon came six months later as an afterthought.

Because we moved so quickly, I was asked countless times if I was pregnant. That question stung every time—as though the only explanation for our timeline was necessity rather than choice.

Looking back, I can see how much of that decision came from outside circumstances rather than inner alignment. It wasn't that I was anxious to secure the relationship—we were already committed. But we let external factors dictate the timing rather than waiting for it to feel truly right.

This Time Is Different

With Roger, everything has unfolded differently. Not because we planned it that way, but because we've allowed love to grow in its own time.

Each phase has held something sacred: the discovery, the deepening, the building of trust, the peace of knowing we'd found home. We didn't rush through any of it to get to the "next step”—we savored each stage for what it was.

Roger and I still feel brand new in so many ways. By savoring each phase—not rushing through the discovery, the deepening, the building of our life together—our relationship has maintained a sense of aliveness and excitement that never feels old or routine. Each stage that we've fully inhabited has kept us present with each other, curious about each other, grateful for each other.

When you stretch out the phases of love (whether intentionally or simply by honoring what feels right), you create space for the relationship to keep revealing new dimensions. You're not checking boxes—you’re deepening into something that continues to surprise and delight you.

And now, engaged, we're doing the same thing. When people ask about the date, I've learned to tuck my ego away and simply say: "We're so happy exactly where we are right now. It feels really good, and we're savoring this time."

Because the truth is, we are blissfully happy. And no external timeline will make us happier than we already are.

How to Know if You're on Sacred Timing

So, how do you know if you're rushing from fear or outside expectations, versus moving at your natural pace?

Your body always knows.

When you're rushing from external pressure or internal anxiety, your body tells you. You might feel tense, tight, a sense of 'we should' rather than 'we're ready.' You might notice yourself feeling angry, defensive, or suddenly pulled out of your joy—like something precious is being threatened or diminished.

Pay attention to those emotions. They're information.

When I heard "You need to set a date now," I felt anger rise up. That external pressure took me out of the bliss I'd been living in as a newly engaged woman. My body was telling me something important: this timeline isn't mine.

Sacred timing feels completely different. It's when everything naturally draws you into the next phase—not because you should be there, but because you can't not be there anymore. There's no anger, no defensiveness, no tension. Just readiness.

After writing to each other for five months, COVID or no COVID, Roger and I both knew: we couldn't wait any longer. We had to meet. That wasn't pressure—that was readiness.

And with the engagement? I could barely contain the words 'I want to marry you' before Roger asked me. There was an undeniable energy pulling us toward that commitment—not because anyone expected it, but because it was the natural evolution of what we'd already built together.

That's what sacred timing feels like: inevitable, easeful, and completely right. When you feel it, you know. [If you want to explore this concept of body wisdom further, read: [From Heart-led to Body-Wise: What My Friendships Taught Me About Love]]

The Gift of Later-in-Life Love

One of the beautiful gifts of finding love later in life is freedom from the old timelines. There's no biological clock ticking, no race to meet expectations. You can savor the journey—the self-discovery, the dating, the deepening—and step into each new phase only when it feels like the natural, beautiful continuation of your story.

You're not building a life from scratch together. You're bringing two fully formed lives into union. That takes time, presence, and intention.

Love doesn't follow a timeline. It unfolds in its own sacred way.

For You

If you're reading this and wondering if you're "behind" in love—you’re not. You're right on time.

Every experience, every insight, every phase of your becoming is preparing you for the relationship that's aligned with who you've become.

Don't let anyone else's expectations pull you out of the joy of where you are. Whether you're single and discovering yourself, dating and getting to know someone, or in a committed relationship that others think should "progress" faster—trust what your body tells you about your timing.

You're exactly where you need to be.

Love isn't about how fast it happens. It's about how real it feels when it does.

And when both people feel that undeniable pull toward the next phase? When your bodies say yes and your hearts are overflowing? That's when you know it's time—not because someone else said so, but because it's simply inevitable.

The stages you savor now are the foundation for everything that comes next.

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With so much love and gratitude,

Kim & Roger

Kim and Roger are Manifestationship® coaches who help adult singles manifest authentic, fulfilling relationships through conscious awareness and intentional inner transformation. Through their unique approach as both a man and woman team, they guide clients in becoming magnetic to the love that is possible for them.